Category Archive: Books

Hi friends I have been away

Hi I have had some problems the last few weeks and been away from my computer.

But here a a few jokes to keep you going.

 

Get Out of the Way

Two nuns are driving along late on a cold winter’s night.

The road is remote, lonely and extremely dark.

Suddenly, a vampire jumps out in front of the car.

“Show him your cross, show him your cross,” the first nun yells.

The second nun winds the window down and shouts

“GET OUT OF THE BLOODY WAY”.

 

Three Nuns go to Heaven

Three nuns die and go to heaven.

They are standing in front of the pearly gates and Saint Peter comes out to greet them.

“Welcome to heaven,” he says. “Now, just because you’re nuns doesn’t mean you can automatically get into heaven.

I have to ask you each a question.

“Okay,” say the nuns.

So Saint Peter turns to the first nun. “What is the name of Jesus’s mother?” he asks.

“Mary,” replies the first nun.

“That’s right. You can come in.”

He turns to the second nun. “What are the names of two of the twelve disciples?”

“Peter and Paul,” she answers.

“That’s right. You can come in.”

Then he turns to the third nun, who happens to be a Mother Superior.

“Now,” he says. “As you are the Mother Superior, your question will have to be more difficult.”

“Okay,” she says.

“Right; what was the first thing Eve said when she met Adam in the Garden of Eden?” he asks.

“Crikey,” she says, “That’s a hard one.”

“That’s right,” Saint Peter says. “You can come in.”

 

 

The Blind Man

A nun was having a bath when there was a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” she asked.

“It’s the blind man,” came the reply.

“Oh, come in then,” the nun said.

The man entered the room and looked around.

“Where do you want these blinds then?” he asked.

 

 

 

Cover for:The Arranged Wedding

The Arranged Wedding

The Arranged Wedding will be available on amazon next week at £6.99 for the book and £1.99 on kindle.

The Arranged Wedding from Linda Louisa Dell

 

Leena Purri lives with her family, Mum, Dad and brother, Sevi, in Tonbridge a town in southern England. Next door are the Prices, their son Jim and their daughter Dawn. Alastair Price the elder brother, left home under suspicious circumstances. Leena, nineteen, is working in an office but she wants to go to university.  Her parents arrange a marriage to a local boy, Rajput Gowda, who comes from a wealthy local family. Things do not go to plan when Leena’s best friend, Pretti, elopes with Rajput. So, reluctantly, Leena’s is allowed to go to the University of Brighton, where she shares digs with an English girl called Janie. They are soon good buddies and acquire a circle of colleagues, one of them being a young man called Alum. Leena and Alum always argue but secretly they love each other, but they are both too stubborn to admit it. Things are further complicated in that Alum’s best friend, Pieter, thinks he is in love with Leena and Leena’s room-mate Janie is in love with Pieter. Interwoven into Leena’s story is that of her neighbours, the Prices, who have a difficult relationship and a family secret.  Their daughter, Dawn, becomes involved with Benji, an Asian street trader, much to the consternation of her mother.  Leena helps us tell this story with the aid of her diaries.

 

“When third generation Asian girl, Leena, learns that her traditionalist parents have arranged a wedding for her with an Asian boy in whom she has little interest, a fascinating sequence of events is set in motion which shows how very different such family arrangements are within the culture and context of modern-day England with a lively, sparky young female who has ideas of her own about her future. The twists and turns of the ingenious plot, the well-observed characters and the pace of the writing will keep the reader captivated and absorbed throughout, while the novel’s resolution comes as a delight and a surprise. Strongly recommended”.

Robin Squires, author and scriptwriter.

 

 

An A to Z of aphrodisiacs

The proofs are agreed and the cover chosen.

To be published in May 2015 by Skyhorse publishing New York.

www.skyhorsepublishing.com

@skyhorsepub

 

Aphrodisiacs 9781632204813

Library talk on self-publishing

27th November 2014 at Mill Hill Library On Thursday morning at 10.30 I will be giving a talk with my friend Eliza Jane Goes. We will be talking about the merits and pitfalls of self-publishing.

A Wish for Christmas

A wish for Christmas

A wish for Christmas

‘A Wish for Christmas’ is a collection of twenty stories based around Christmas and New Year from Alfie Dog Fiction. The collection brings together some of the best short stories from 20 authors across the globe including local author Linda Louisa Dell.
‘A Wish for Christmas’ contains a mixture of general fiction, feel good stories and romance all based around the holiday season. Alfie Dog Fiction’s managing director, Rosemary Kind, says, “After the popularity of our summer ‘beach reads’ collections, it made sense to bring out a collection of stories for the festive season. It’s good to take time out to relax amongst the bustle of Christmas preparation and this book gives readers the opportunity to enjoy the best of the spirit of Christmas at the same time.”
The collection has an international flavour, not only through the spread of the writers but the fascinating backdrops to the stories. Within the pages the reader will travel from China to America, Australia to Europe, while the stories range from the moving to the amusing, the romantic to the tussle of family life.
Alfie Dog Fiction specialises in publishing short stories for download as well as in book form, and has over 1,200 stories on its website www.alfiedog.com, in multiple formats to suit most readers.
Linda who lives in Mill Hill has ten stories with www.alfiedog.com and has had stories published in several magazines.
Both collections will be available as download and in paperback from 18th November with the download priced from just £1.99 and can be bought direct through www.alfiedog.com or through Amazon and other leading online retailers.

Price:
Direct through www.alfiedog.com: £1.99

 

Dream Dictionary

Dream Dictionary

Dream Dictionary

In this book I have concentrated on the interpretation of your dreams by producing an A-Z dictionary of dream meanings. It is not inclusive and is meant only as a guild and a beginning to the understanding of your dreams. Dreams follow you out of sleep, bringing their magic and mystery into your waking lives. They can build a bridge between consciousness and unconsciousness, and between the known and the unknown.

The Complete A-Z of Dreams

A Bookopedia Imprint book.

The perfect reference point.

Kindle Price: £2.93

Publisher: Linda Louisa Dell

Available as Amazon Kindle Edition here.

Dream Interpretation

Dream Interpretations

Dream Interpretations

In this book Linda Dell concentrates on the interpretation of dreams, about why we dream, the history and background to dreams (including the beliefs of ancient civilizations and modern cultures), important dreams throughout history.

Kindle Price: £4.03

Available as Amazon Kindle Edition here.

My Poetry

 

My Poetry

My Poetry

In this book you will find a collection of poetry written over many years and which reflect certain times in Linda’s own life. If you like your poetry profound and written by a writer with a strong social conscience then you will love this eclectic volume.

Kindle Price: £0.98

Publisher: Linda Louisa Dell

Available as Amazon Kindle Edition here.

Mothers & Children with Sleep Problems

 

Mothers & Children with Sleep Problems

Mothers & Children with Sleep Problems

This booklet aims to give you some of the many reasons for sleep problems that can affect new mothers and their children and to list some of the many remedies, therapies and techniques that can help you to re-train your sleep patterns to your very individual needs.

Kindle Price: £0.98

Publisher: Linda Louisa Dell

Available as Amazon Kindle Edition here.

Jokes

Jokes

Jokes

Linda Louisa Dell is better known for her self-help books and powerful novels such as ‘African Nights, and ‘Yes, and pigs might fly’, She has also written a collection of short stories called ‘The Story tree.’

In this volume you will find a compilation of jokes collected over many years. If laughter therapy is what you need this is the book for you. (Bookopedia)

Read and enjoy. “When I told my friends that I was writing a joke book they laughed. Well their not laughing now!” Linda Louisa Dell

Kindle Price: £0.98

Publisher: Linda Louisa Dell

Available as Amazon Kindle Edition here.

Dream Perspectives

Dream Perspectives

Dream Perspectives

For thousands of years humans have been fascinated, intrigued, and confounded by their dreams. People in cultures from all over the world and throughout every period of history have wondered what their dreams are about.

Some of the oldest written texts ever discovered are dedicated to describing and interpreting people’s dreams. It is estimated that we dream for a minimum of two hours every night. If our lifespan in this incarnation is seventy years, that means we will spend 51,000 hours of our lives dreaming.

In what is probably one of the most modern, comprehensive books on dreaming, this talented author has used her years of vast experience, in an attempt to unravel the mysteries of dreams, This is a great work for students, practitioners or anyone who simply finds the subject of sleep fascinating.

Kindle Price: £4.94

Publisher: Linda Louisa Dell

Available as Amazon Kindle Edition here.

Earthscape

Price:
Paperback: £7.99
Kindle: £0.98

Available as Amazon Kindle Edition here.

Earthscape; a long way from home:

Earthscape

Earthscape

Stranded on Earth, two charismatic aliens, they seem to be benign, but are they, or do they have a more sinister agenda? Kaximaki is devastatingly attractive but young and naive; he gets left behind when his space ship has to leave suddenly. He meets Katie, a young Earth woman, and they start their adventure together, as they flee the authorities and are hunted across Europe. His equally charming uncle, Jacopo, is also stranded but is picked up by the authorities and held in a secure government facility.

Kaximaki’s mother causes chaos back in his home world and the boys’ presence on Earth threatens to disrupt ‘The Plan’ that the aliens of the Tri-planet alliance have for Earth. Their planet, Tinka 17, is going to be sucked up into a black hole within the next few hundred years. They need a new home. Could it be Earth? But there are already too many people on Earth and they need to reduce the population. Could a deadly virus be the answer?

The Story Tree

The Story Tree

The Story Tree

A collection of short stories by Linda Louisa Dell

Reviews

‘Better known for her self-help books and punchy novels such as ‘African Nights’, and Yes and pigs might fly. Linda has applied her talents to a collection of short stories. If you like your reading pithy, profound and written by a writer with a strong social conscience – then you will love this eclectic mix.’ Bookopedia

‘Pick a tale and escape into the land of ‘The Story Tree’ either for a longer bedtime story or a five minute coffee break. These entertaining stories will have you avidly turning the pages, dying to know what happens – which is quite often not what you expect. I read them all at once and thoroughly enjoyed them. Whether you like spooky, mystical, humorous, crime, heart warming love stories or just something unusual, you will find it in this eclectic little collection.’

Price: £5.95

Publisher: emp3books

Available from Amazon here and also available as Amazon Kindle.

The video below shows an excerpt.

Yes and Pigs Might Fly

Yes and Pigs Might Fly

Yes and Pigs Might Fly

Rosie is a beautiful and sensitive women; with three children by her violent and abusive husband. When the children grow up and leave home, Rosie also leaves; she just walks out one day and does not return, losing contact with her family. Living on the streets and witnessing many hardships and then running a homeless hostel.

Her three children lead very different lives. Jill marries her childhood sweetheart, becomes a published author, continuing to live in the village where she was born. David goes to London and works in an engineering firm, meets his Jane, who has her own tragic family secret. Carla the youngest of the family runs off with a boyfriend to Greece and becomes part of a proud extended family that has some wonderful stories to relate. We follow the histories of these four, very different, characters their families and the people they meet along the way. There are highs and lows as Rosie’s children struggle to survive the loss of their mother. There are also insights into the lives of the homeless as some of their tragic histories are related to Rosie.

The journey is often hard, sometimes joyful, but ultimately inspiring and full of hope.

Yes and Pigs might fly came third in the Wishing Shelf fiction awards.

Price: Paperback: £8.95 – E-book: £5.95

Publisher: emp3books

ISBN-12: 978-1907140303

Available by order from Amazon and all good book shops.

Aphrodisiacs an A-Z

 

Aphrodisiacs an A-Z

Aphrodisiacs an A-Z

Low sex drive is very common today and can affect up to one fifth of the population at any one time, this book contains an introduction to impotency and its reasons and details an enormous range of aphrodisiac substance, vitamins, minerals, herbs, essential oils and drugs that have reputedly a profound and beneficial effect on the libido. “To lovers everywhere be safe, be strong and be true to yourself.”

Kindle Price: £0.98

Publisher: Linda Louisa Dell

Available as Amazon Kindle Edition here or on lulu.com.

African Nights

African Nights

African Nights, Georgina’s Story

Georgina’s life is in turmoil. A broken relationship, a passionate love affair, a life threatening illness, her lover’s disastrous trek into the wild lands of the Kalahari and the trauma of realising that she has made a great mistake.

These are just some of the challenges she confronts in this gripping story.

When Georgina’s parents decided to take the family on a safari in South Africa, to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary they had little idea of the outcome.

Georgina meets Sammy the enigmatic safari leader, they fall in love. During Georgina’s visits she experiences the darker side of Africa when a boy is kidnapped and the culprits are found to be involved in obtaining body parts for witchcraft and poaching rhino horns and ivory.

When Georgina finds that her skin cancer has returned she does not go back to see Sammy as she had planned, telling him that it was over between them.

Sammy, devastated and losing all reason, drives off into the wild lands of the Kalahari Desert. He runs out of food and water and is then attacked by leopards. Dangerously injured, in shock and wandering in the desert he is found by two San Bushmen who take him back to their camp.

Georgina, on hearing that Sammy has disappeared, returns to Africa to help try and find him. It is then that she realizes that she loves Sammy and cannot bear to lose him.

The book is based on a true story, and gives a wonderful insight into the South African way of life, and an intriguing glimpse of existence of the San Bushmen people of the Kalahari Desert.

Price: £8.95

Publisher: emp3books

ISBN-12: 978-1907140303

Available by order from Amazon here, or all good book shops

Aphrodisiacs – Aphrodite’s Secrets Kindle e-book Edition

Aphrodisiacs - Aphrodite's Secrets Kindle e-book Edition

Aphrodisiacs – Aphrodite’s Secrets Kindle e-book Edition

Sexuality, Sexual Dysfunction, and a History and A-Z of Aphrodisiacs

Linda Louisa Dell’s book, Aphrodisiacs, Aphrodite’s Secrets, will help those seeking to spice up their love lives as well as those whose love lives may be suffering due to stress in these hard times.

The book deals with sexuality, sexual dysfunction and its history PLUS an A-Z of aphrodisiacs.

Low sex drive is very common in times of stress and can affect up to one fifth of the population at any one time. This book details an enormous range of aphrodisiacs substances, vitamins, minerals, herbs, essential oils and drugs that have, reputedly, a profound and beneficial effect on the libido. Sex magic, oils incenses, deities, problems and answers are all detailed here.

Linda previous books are the highly acclaimed Can’t Sleep, Won’t Sleep and Dreamtime which dealt with sleep problems and with the world of dreams. Aphrodisiacs, Aphrodite’s Secrets takes us a step further, investigating sexual problems and aphrodisiacs.

Price: £5.70

Publisher: emp3books

Available from Amazon here.

Aphrodisiacs – Aphrodite’s Secrets

Aphrodisiacs

Aphrodisiacs – Aphrodite’s Secrets

Sexuality, Sexual Dysfunction, and a History and A-Z of Aphrodisiacs

By Linda Louisa Dell How to improve and enhance your sex life. Low sex drive is very common and can affect up to one fifth of the population at any one time. This book details an enormous range of aphrodisiac substances, vitamins, minerals, herbs, essential oils and drugs that have, reputedly, a profound and beneficial effect on the libido. Sex magic, oils, incenses, deities, problems and answers are all detailed here!

It also includes chapters on sexual dysfunction and the reasons for it. And an extensive A-Z of aphrodisiacs.

Price: £14.95

 

ISBN-10: 1861633041, 290 pages, 103 illustrations

Dreamtime

Dreamtime

Dreamtime

A History, Mythology, Physiology and Guide to the Interpretation of Dreams

By Linda Louisa Dell, author of the much acclaimed Can’t Sleep, Won’t Sleep. Why dreams occur, sleep cycles, how dreams can be used and controlled are all topics investigated here. The book also includes an excellent dream dictionary to give insights into the meanings of dreams. Dream the vision and envision the dream – this book will start you on that journey.

In this book the author investigates the history and background to dreams including the belief of ancient civilization and modern cultures, important dreams through history, major theories about dreaming such as those of Freud and Jung as well as more modern theories, significant recent research and data on animal sleeping experiences. She looks at the phenomena of sleep and dreaming including the basic sleep cycles and how a dream is structured in addition to lucid dreaming, astral projection and nightmares, sleep paralysis and problem solving. Sleep disorders, such as insomnia, sleep-walking and sleep talking are also covered. Part two of the book gives a comprehensive dream directory and details some of the most common dream subjects for an extra in-depth analysis. It is essential for readers to have some awareness of this long and rich history if they want to have a well-grounded understanding of twentieth century dream psychology. Dreams follow us out of sleep, bringing their magic and mystery into our waking lives, building a bridge between consciousness and unconsciousness, between the known and the unknown. Dreams inspire us to reclaim their experience through the language of creative thought, art, literature, film, music and movement through our eyes, hands, hearts and minds. Dream the vision and envision the dream – this book will start you on that journey. Linda Louisa Dell is the author of “Can‘t Sleep, Won‘t Sleep”.

Price: £17.95

 

ISBN-10: 1861632789

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